Article By: Brian Halsey ‡ Edited By: Leanne Ridgeway
WASTED THEORY: ‘Warlords of the New Electric’, as told by the legacy of George Washington. Yeah, really. Okay, so I know I said my cold weather reviews would consist of entirely black metal, but… the new WASTED THEORY is that heavy.
In 1776, George Washington ordered his camp to take their battle formation along the Delaware. It was Christmas night and the boys were about to be back in town. Bayoneting the shit out of Hessians and being recklessly patriotic were high on the original GW’s priority list. His conquest would therefore ever after be categorized as ‘American as Fuck’.
Boy George generaled his way to one of the most legendary dubs in the history of the (pre) United States and pioneered an internet sub-genre, known as ‘dank memes.’ Not since that fateful night, has the name ‘Delaware’ been mentioned with much reverence. [Don’t give me any shit about the Delaware River crossing being from NJ to PA, I’m trying to highlight the fact that nothing of relevant namesake (aside from George Thorogood) has come from the ball sack of New Jersey.]
Clearly inspired by feats of colonial savagery, First State bred**, weed rockers WASTED THEORY launched a killer attack of their own this past October 26th, but it sure felt like Christmas to me, because this is the gift that will keep on giving you a hangover. A beer-chugging, green smoking, backyard wing eating contest sing-along, that only slows down from tripping over the size of its own balls.
(**Larry Jackson, Jr. is a Maryland boy – but for George Washington’s sake, we’re sticking with the theme.)
In a day and age where bands make their bones by mixing and mashing sub-genres into their styles of metal, WASTED THEORY clears that shit, quite literally, and knocks you out with a hay-maker over the top. You saw it coming all along, but you just couldn’t stop it. In terms of big riffs, heavy grooves, and gruff vocals, few bands could boast a louder offering in 2018. This one is a ripper.
Their first track and lead single, “Rawhide Hellride“, sets the tone with wailing electric from Larry Jackson Jr. and Andrew Petkovic. Brendan Burns holds down a mean beat while throwing in some solid and entirely necessary cowbell. The end breakdown chugs so hard, it can be directly applied to one of George Washington’s great quotes, “We have already been too long subject to British prejudices. I use no porter or cheese in my family, but such as is made in America; both these articles may now be purchased of an excellent quality.“
What Washin-gunz was trying to say is that foreign beer and cheese are overpriced. Anybody who picks up a 6er of Einstok knows he’s right. Buy American. Because once you are floored by the mondo groove of the second track, “Drug Buzzard“, you will be witnessing the full potential of WASTED THEORY.
A lot of bands can get stoned and play legit stoner/doom rock, but these guys do it better because it’s in their blood. Delaware was here since The Battle of Cooch’s Bridge. WASTED THEORY can stick a melody just as easily as they can drop the sledgehammer.
And that’s all they do. That is all… they… fucking… do.
Warlords of the New Electric – Tracklist:
01. Rawhide Hellride
02. Drug Buzzard
04. The Son of a Son of a Bitch
05. Bastard County
06. Heavy Bite
07. Weed Creature
08. Doomslut Rodeo
“The Son of a Son of a Bitch“ and “Bastard County“ anchor down the album with some heavy southern rock, but “Weed Creature“ might be the sleeper for my favorite track on the album. It’s got big riffs and sweet solos, just like most of the songs, but the closing gang vocals really do the trick. I confidently put my ‘@riffrelevant.halsey.fuckwad.com’ reputation on the line. ‘Warlords of the New Electric’ is a surprise killer (thus all the George Washington references) sure to land on a lot of 2018’s year-end top 10 lists.
‘Warlords of the New Electric’ was written and recorded by WASTED THEORY in April-May 2018. Recorded, mixed, and engineered by Joseph Boldizar, with assistance from Kyle Graham at Retro City Studios in Philadelphia, PA. Additional mixing by Chris Pollock. Mastered by David Downham at Gradwell House Studios. Artwork by Bill Kole at Billy Diablo Design Services.
Larry Jackson, Jr.- Vocals/Guitars
Andrew Petkovic – Guitars
Corey Pettingill – Bass
Brendan Burns – Drums
My only complaint is that at eight songs (36mins. 28secs.), I was only starting to experience the apex of my blackout. It should be noted that on the day George Washington died, he was treated with four rounds of bloodletting, which removed five pints of blood from his body. What can I say? Even the great ones make bad fucking calls. Next time, WASTED THEORY needs to smash 10 jammers, minimum.
In 1799, Washington wrote to his nephew, “Two hundred gallons of Whiskey will be ready this day for your call, and the sooner it is taken the better, as the demand for this article (in these parts) is brisk.” Finally, there is something to be equally stoked about. Thank WASTED THEORY for what is easily one of the best stoner/doom rock releases of 2018.
Also, feel free to blame ‘Warlords of the New Electric’ for countless public intoxication citations. Give it up, these dudes are getting crazy buzz for a reason. (Plus – $5 cassette?! GTFO!)
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